how do you like my story ? its only 1.5 pages on word, and i need some reviews. its for school

how do you like my story ? its only 1.5 pages on word, and i need some reviews. its for school.?
i have to write a mini story on anything, but it HAS to incude a spring (pond, mini lake, etc). it doesnt have to do anything (the spring). please read. Im in grade 7; a higher level. so, i need to know what you think of this. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ IT. The Climb By Sophia Being here in the woods, without cell phone reception, a comfy bed, and a good magazine, isn’t my idea of a fun dare. After almost a full day of trying to live on tic tacs, I’m still nowhere near having an idea where I am or where I’m going. I just hope I make it home before I die of thirst. It’s all Jill’s fault. She was the one who made me do that stupid dare. She was the one who threatened to tell everyone I was too chicken to run through the woods at night. Back then, her dare seemed very childish and pointless. But, of course, Jill always has to have her way. I forgot to mention- Jill is my very annoying, but best friend. She is always up for a good game of truth or dare. Lately, her dares have become very dull. But last night, at my first-day-of-summer party, her dares weren’t even worth listening to- except when it came to me. I guess she was saving this one up for the next time I had a party. She dared me to run through the part of the woods that was on my property and back. Everyone knew those woods were haunted. I, of course, knew that my security guard, Fred, had made that story up to keep people from wandering there and getting lost. It seemed like such a stupid dare considering what I know. But Jill thought that I was too scared, and threatened to tell everyone at school. Just to prove I wasn’t afraid, I told her I’d stay there for an hour knowing I can just call Fred if I needed his help. She was surprised at this, but agreed. But when I tried to find my way back, I couldn’t. I listened for music and noise. I watched for lights or fireworks my friends might have set off. I even tried to smell the bonfire- but nothing. I was sure that I was too far for Fred to hear and knew that I was way off my property. I began to get drowsy; but didn’t let myself stop wandering or else I’d be lost forever. At some point, I couldn’t take it anymore, and collapsed. I had no idea where I was headed, and now, a day later, I still don’t. I’m grateful for the fact that I never go anywhere without my purse. I always have a spare snack in there, but this time, I only had a box of tic tacs. At least that’s something to eat. But I have no water. I wondered how long a person can go without water. I gave them three days, tops. So that meant I only had two more days to live! I felt myself getting weaker every minute, and began to miss home even more than I thought was possible. In fact, I stopped missing my TV hours ago, and now missed my fridge; full of wonderful foods and WATER. Somewhere around dusk, I came to a small mountain. I recalled the time I was sitting in my room, staring out the window, and noticed a mountain somewhere in the forest. I guessed that this was the same mountain, because in a place as flat as Alberta, any hill you saw was worth remembering. And if I made it to the top, I would definitely have a better view of where I’m headed. I started to climb uphill, but my heels made the job very tough. After about half an hour, it was getting dark, and I was practically dying of thirst. I made a mental note that if I ever got back home alive, that from now on, I would bring a water bottle with me everywhere and never wear high heels again. When I paused and looked around, it seemed as if I hadn’t just climbed up a mountain for half an hour. Everything looked the same. I promised myself I wouldn’t stop climbing until I reached the top, no matter how thirsty or tired I got. Luckily, during this time of year, the sun didn’t set until late. I continued to miss home drastically, and began to feel grateful for everything I have- even Jill, the one who got me into this entire mess. Soon enough, I noticed that it was practically pitch black outside, but it finally began to look like I was heading somewhere. I ran for a few minutes, which made me even more dehydrated than ever. I looked right ahead, and I only thought of what a relief it would be to make it somewhere, and be a little more in control of the situation. Perhaps I could locate water from atop of the hill. The closer and closer I got, the more desperate I felt. I didn’t even notice that the queasiness in my stomach had moved to my head, until the dehydration overcame me. I was about to faint and fall, but even though my eyes swam, I was positive that I saw something sparkling ahead of me from the moonlight. It looked like water! Just a few…more…steps… When you’re in such a desperate situation as me; you focus on everything you have just to try to make it out of it. I’m grateful that before I collapsed of dehydration, I had enough will power to make it to the small spring that lay just ahead of me, and right below the top of the mount and right below the top of the mountain. Never had anything in the world tasted to amazing to me before. I’ve tried many dishes, but this way pure joy. After I quenched my thirst with that refreshing water, I curled up into a ball, and fell asleep. A week later, my story was published in the local newspaper. The headline was “Life’s a climb, but the view is great”. Even though the headline almost had nothing to do with my adventure, I felt like it still appealed to me. The ‘view’, in my case, was the water near the top of the hill. After getting enough strength to continue, I managed to locate my house from atop of the mountain. About halfway there, I had the help of a few police officers, as well as Fred. Never will I forget how grateful I am for everything I have, and that small spring at the top of the mountain.
Homework Help - 6 Answers - 2009-04-13 20:30:52

Best Answer
Oh my gosh it's amazing!!! It makes a great point and has plenty of voice inside it. I can imagaian the whole story. I love it!!!

All Answers
Answer 1
It's good. Just check conventions
2009-04-13 20:33:41

Answer 2
youll do fine
2009-04-13 20:34:09

Answer 3
It's very good, but you should choose between the forest being haunted or dangerous. You sort of lost that idea and it may be confusing to some. But it is very good!
2009-04-13 20:40:09

Answer 4
omg!!!!!! so awesome! i could never think of something to write! yours is great! i bet your teachers will love it! good job!
2009-04-13 20:43:15

Answer 5
Interesting!
2009-04-13 20:43:28